Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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