Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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