So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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