So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
