She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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