You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
