Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
