So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
