Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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