Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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