Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
