Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
