Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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