my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
