honey bunches of taint.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
