i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
a search helicopter?!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
