The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
