I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
