It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
