I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
