it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
