i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
