Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
