Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
