Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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