Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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