he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
