I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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