Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You made out with two different species that night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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