I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
