Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
