I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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