There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
