Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
