I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
