Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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