i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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