So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
