you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
