I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
