We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
