I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
