did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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