I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
