By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize