Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
