How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
