I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
