How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
