Swine flu. Run for my life!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
