I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
As shirtless as possible
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
