I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
