I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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