Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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