I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I want her autograph on my taint
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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