I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
