Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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