she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
