Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
