After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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