Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
