ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
