Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
