OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
