eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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