You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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