Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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