Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
