having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize