In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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