yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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