I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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