The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just high enough for therapy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
