I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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