so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
