We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
A+ Viking dick
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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