i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
