ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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