Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
