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I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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