The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
