I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
