Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
