before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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