The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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