Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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