I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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