Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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