so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
