woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
