I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Someone came in the potted fern
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize