The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
