Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
