You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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