So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
