i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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