we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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