its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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