Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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