my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
