you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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