I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
