lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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