I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
