Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
