my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
